It’s ok to be angry. You’re not doing anything wrong, or being dysfunctional.
Did you know that most feelings of anger are secondary emotions, with one exception? Meaning: In most cases you don’t feel angry first. You feel a primary emotion first, THEN you feel anger as a follow-up to that first emotion. For example, someone says something mean to you or rejects you, which makes you feel sad and hurt. That is a primary emotion. But then you get angry. That’s secondary. Or you feel frustrated and fearful because you can’t get your car started in the morning, and you know you’ll be late for work…those are primary emotions. But then you get angry. Secondary anger is not so healthy. It’s better to center in on the primary emotion and deal with that. Anger just masks it.
The exception to this rule? Anger that has at it’s root a desire for justice. Anger that’s felt when bullies are taking over the playground, when the powerful are exploiting the weak, when the rich are disenfranchising the poor, when the selfish are getting what they want at the expense of others, when innocent people’s lives are being shattered by other’s greed, when the environment is being raped for other’s profit. That’s a primary emotion – it’s built right in to our very nature. It’s not comfortable, but it’s natural and it’s good – especially when it leads to action