Archive for the ‘funny shit’ Category

America was founded as a Christian nation, and, frankly, I’m darn sick and tired of the constant assault on our religious freedoms from the gays, the minorities, and especially the ladies.

women-must-submit-to-men_women-must-serve-men-www.stepfordwife.comYes, you heard me – especially the ladies. What completely chaps my hide is how successful the women-folk have been in dragging us away from the Biblical values this great nation was founded upon. Everywhere you look nowadays you see chicks perverting the Biblical order of things by exercising leadership over men, participating in the complicated and sensitive political process, acting all uppity and equal to their husbands in marriages, wearing whatever the heck they want to wear (with no concern whatsoever over how their cleavage makes us men tingle), having sex when they choose to like men do, and worse.

Here’s some facts for you, Christian ladies…facts that I hope you will seriously consider:

  • The most common Biblical epithets for women are “harlot,” “whore,” and “unclean.” In fact, in most of your appearances in the Good Book, when you’re even mentioned at all, you are either superfluous or diabolical. Take a hint.
  • This is really important! Don’t forgot – YOU WERE AN AFTERTHOUGHT! You were designed to be a “help meet” for men! You wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for us men – you were literally created out of a man’s spare rib!
  • And THEN you completely messed everything up. Eve was a sin-inciting, disobedient, impulsive, morally inferior seductress who literally led to the downfall of humankind.

We need to get back to a Biblically based, common sense society where everyone knows their place and stays within the parameters outlined for them in God’s holy Book. Some examples of your “place,” ladies:

1 Corinthians 11:3-7:
But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man…for a man…is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.

1 Peter 2:12-13
I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet, for it was man who was first created, then woman. 

Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit yourself unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church…therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 

1 Peter 3:1-6
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your husbands. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and wearing of jewelry or fine clothes. Rather it should be that of your inner self, the unfolding beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted to their husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him “Lord.” 

women_in_the_bibleHear that, sweethearts? When was the last time you heard someone from the mainstream Godless liberal media encourage you to call your husbands “Lord?” Am I right?

(Side note: I don’t personally apply these particular passages to my own marriage, but only out of practical considerations. If I were to, my wife would cut off my testicles or leave me. Or both.)

Granted, the very next verse in 1 Peter does instruct husbands to treat their wives gently because they are “weaker vessels.” Kind of like how I treat my pets.

Even the Jesus’s mom was put in her place: Woman, what have I to do with thee?   (Jesus, John 20:17)

Still not convinced that women were basically created for men, to be men’s property?

The Bible makes it pretty dang clear that every aspect of women’s bodies and behaviors are subject to the scrutiny and control of men. The Good Book issues edicts over such matters as feminine hygiene, menstruation, pregnancy and more. No detail about women is too private or trite, from your periods (during which you are “unclean” for seven days) to your hairstyles to your housewifely duties to your conduct in church. (In 1 Corinthians, Paul says you’re to shut up at church, be submissive to your husbands, and wait until you get home to ask him questions.)

Another Jezebel mocking God's law.  She will burn.

Another Jezebel mocking God’s law. She will burn.

Back in the good old days daughters could be sold, women who had sex outside of marriage could be stoned or burned (their male partners got off scot-free), and women who did not have intact hymens on their wedding night were to be publically executed.

If a man raped a woman who was engaged to another man, both the rapist and the woman would be stoned to death. But if a man raped a women who was not already claimed as a man’s property (not engaged or married), the rapist was only required to pay the woman’s father fifty shekels of silver, and the women was forced to marry her rapist.

Clearly, the Bible defines women as men’s property. Why have we allowed our society to stray so far? Even the Ten Commandments lump women in with other possessions, such as asses. Women actually take second billing to inanimate objects, such as “they neighbor’s house” in the Exodus 20 variation.

Look, we are a Christian nation, founded on Christian principles. To the degree that we walk away from our religious heritage as a country, we play right into the hands of Satan. Remember, according to Sarah Palin and other right-thinking politicians, the Bible was the basis for our constitution – and it’s clear that in the Bible the weaker sex was placed on this earth for the purpose of meeting men’s needs and for men to have dominion over. Why have we allowed America to stray so far?

images-307This assault on Biblical values has been going on for over a hundred years now. Check out this whiny, self-indulgent, godless passage from an 1885 speech by the Feminazi Elizabeth Cady Stanton, the first woman to formally call for women’s right to vote:

You may go over the world and you will find that every form of religion which has breathed upon this earth has degraded woman. There is not one which has not made her subject to man. Men may rejoice in them because they make man the head of the woman. I have been traveling the old world during the last few years and have found new food for thought. What power is it that makes the Hindu woman burn herself on the funeral pyre of her husband? Her religion. What holds the Turkish woman in the harem? Her religion. By what power do the Mormons perpetuate their system of polygamy? By their religion. Man, of himself, could not do this; but when he declares, “Thus saith the lord,” of course he can do it. So long as ministers stand up and tell us that man is the head of the woman how are we to break the chains which have held women down through the ages? We want to help roll off from the soul of woman the terrible superstitions that have so long repressed and crushed her.

paulryan2Sheeple, don’t give in to this modern, liberal, anti-Christ rhetoric that seeks to pull you away from the one true religion and to destroy our country by stripping away our religious freedoms. Do everything possible to get us back on the straight and narrow as a nation: Pray, preach the true Word of God (not the liberal, pansy, “Christian-left” version), speak out against women’s “rights” whenever you can, and above all, vote Republican.

As many of you know, our Liberian son joined our family of five a little over 10 years ago.  He’s an amazing kid!

Check out this great very short clip about what NOT to say to an adoptive family!   Click HERE.

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-by John Prager

Google did something reprehensible and anti-Christian yesterday. It was so terrible–so horrid–that we can’t idly stand by without speaking up. Just take a look at this evil, anti-Jesus crap they pulled–and on Easter Sunday no less! On holidays, Google sometimes does a special “doodle” that represents the occasion. Christians are outraged–OUTRAGED–at this year’s offensive “doodle.”4-21-2014-11-38-01-AM

See? Right there! PROOF that Google is an awful, anti-God organization hell-bent on destroying Christianity as we know it.
…You don’t see it, do you?

Well, plenty of people did, as they were more than willing to voice on a Google forum!

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That’s right–how DARE Google not cater to one religion! It’s not like Google has EVER done an Easter doodle, or anything. They’ve never honored Christmas, either, right?

 
Google also ignored 4/20. Pot smokers are oh-so-persecuted. Perhaps people who enjoy marijuana should rise up and boycott Google until they apologize. THAT is a holiday Google has never touched.

 

 

 

Helpful chart to help you determine whether or not
you are being persecuted.
persecution-download

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UNITED STATES (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Tea Party loyalists fled the United States in the early morning hours today, seeking what one of them called “the American dream of liberty from health care.”

Harland Dorrinson, 47, a tire salesman from Lexington, Kentucky, packed up his family and whatever belongings he could fit into his Chevy Suburban just hours before the health-insurance exchanges opened, joining the Tea Party’s Freedom Caravan with one goal in mind: escape from Obamacare.

“My father didn’t have health care and neither did my father’s father before him,” he said. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to let my children have it.”

But after driving over ten hours to the Canadian border, Mr. Dorrinson was dismayed to learn that America’s northern neighbor had been in the iron grip of health care for decades.

“The border guard was so calm when he told me, as if it was the most normal thing in the world,” he said. “It’s like he was brainwashed by health care.”

Turning away from Canada, Mr. Dorrinson joined a procession of Tea Party cars heading south to Mexico, noting, “They may have Photo2drug cartels and narcoterrorism down there, but at least they’ve kept health care out.”

Mr. Dorrinson was halfway to the southern border before he heard through the Tea Party grapevine that Mexico, too, has public health care, as do Great Britain, Japan, Turkey, Spain, Belgium, New Zealand, Slovenia, and dozens of other countries to which he had considered fleeing.

Undaunted, Mr. Dorrinson said he had begun looking into additional countries, like Chad and North Korea, but he expressed astonishment at a world seemingly overrun by health care.

“It turns out that the United States is one of the last countries on earth to get it,” he said. “It makes me proud to be an American.”